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What we should be announcing is that we are doing work in this area – so as to encourage participation by interested parties. The release should say something about the work we intend to do going forward.
I have a problem with the title over-reaching in a number of ways. First off, I’m not aware that either the IETF nor IEEE 802 has made any formal determination that trials are complete. Participation in the IEEE trial was small and the trials that have occurred are pretty preliminary. Secondly, we can’t speak for IETF so if a press release is going to say IEEE and IETF announce, it would need to be approved by IETF (not sure if that is done by IESG or IAB).
It would be fine to mention successful trials but we shouldn’t say that trials in the area are complete.
It should be written as coming from IEEE unless the plan is to get approval for the release from IETF as well as IEEE.
“an IEEE and IETF collaborative study group” implies a group that is jointly under the two organizations. It isn’t, the group is solely an IEEE 802 study group. You could say that the trials resulted from collaborative work between the IEEE 802 Privacy Study Group and IETF <privacy group>. Is IAB Privacy and Security Program or something else the group to put there?
Information about what the IEEE generally does is covered in the About IEEE paragraph after the release. The last paragraphs about IEEE and IEEE-SA should be deleted so that the body focuses on the message. If IEEE-SA wants to add their social media links, that should be done in the About IEEE-SA block.
1st para., 2nd line, grammar, missing the word group?
4th para. Last line, incomplete sentence.
After first reading was left with the impression "what was the news". After second reading note first paragraph describes successful tests, but that isn't in the subheading. Is the news cooperation between 802 and IETF or successful testing?
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